I was hanging out with Gay Wolf last weekend and we were talking about whether or not we remembered any gay crushes before we both realised we were bi. Even before we knew that we were bi. I talked about a few friends - one from elementary school, one from high school - and a few teachers. However, there was one thing I remembered that made me wonder how I could have ever thought I was straight.
In high school, my friends and I would play an online game called OurWorld. In this game, you can create an avatar and customize it to your liking. Then you walk around and chat with people from all over the world. When we started playing this, I thought it was really cute. I walked around, made friends and played some mini-games. It was all fine and innocent until I became friends with this one girl from the United States. Her avatar was tall and thin, with black curly hair and brown eyes, and she wore some nice black clothes. I sadly don't remember what her screen name was but, for the sake of the post, let’s call her Chelsy.
Chelsy was bisexual. After a few weeks of talking with Chelsy online during my lunch period and after school, she came out to me. I had never heard the term bisexual before. I had no clue that a person could be attracted to more than one gender. I was very confused. At the time, I was only 13 years old. I had heard about gays and lesbians, but with how society treated the subject at the time, it seemed like a bad thing. Almost like a disease. Now, in a previous post, I have mentioned that I felt like I was sick for having feelings for girls. Well, Chelsy told me that she wanted to be my girlfriend on OurWorld. She said that it didn't matter that I was straight because this was online, and what happens on the internet stays on the internet. No one would ever find out. I believed her. I even lied to myself and said “It's just a game, so i'm not really I'm not really attracted to girls, I just have an online girlfriend.”
On OurWorld, you can give someone your heart, and so Chelsy and I traded hearts. We had decorated her room together, and she had bought me some gifts for my avatar that I still have to this day. A few months back, I reopened my OurWorld account and I deleted all my friends. I regret doing that since Chelsy was probably in there. But, as I have already said, I don’t remember her username, so she’s gone.
Who knows, maybe Chelsy will read this one day and recognise this story. Therefore, in the slight chance that this may happen: Hey, girl! Thank you for opening my eyes, and send me an email. Maybe we can catch up!
Well, I guess we can say that past me must have been really blind, as all of the signs were there. Heck, I'm surprised some of my friends didn't notice I wasn't straight. Especially since two of my best friends at the time played OurWorld with me.
On another note, if you guys wanna check out OurWorld, I just changed my username to Bi Nerd. Go ahead and send me a friend request! I can't promise any interaction on there since I don't go on very often anymore, but if I’m on and I see you, I will add you. See you all next week!