Queer Questions

Hey Nerds,

I know this post is long overdue, so I have a special treat for you. I sent a list of LGBTQ+ questions to some of my friends and here are their answers. (I removed their names to keep their anonymity.) Enjoy!

Q1: What is your sexuality?

P1: Straight with a bit of an experimental side.

P2: I consider myself bisexual, but I do tend to lean more towards homosexuality.

P3: I am comfortable using bisexual.

P4: I identify as bisexual, though I am also very comfortable with the labels queer and gay.

Q2: What is your Gender?

P1: Mail 📧 (Male).
​
P2: I am Transgender, from female to male.

P3: Female, I guess? But who cares, really? Not me!

P4: I identify as a cis-female, I guess.

Q3: What does LGBTQ+ mean to you? 

P1: It is a community that involves anyone who finds a comfort in (varying types) of relationships.

P2: LGBTQ+ for me is a quite inclusive acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual,  Trans, Queer... And the + is for all other sexualities/genders anyone could identify as. 

P3: To me being a part of the LGBTQ+ community just means support, so supporting everyone at whatever stage they are at and just loving and respecting all sorts!

P4: LGBTQ+ is a community that amalgamates people of varying sexual and gender identities who are not considered ‘’the norm’’ and who are often discriminated against on this basis.

Q4: When did you first hear about LGBTQ+?
Tell me a bit about when this happened.

P1: I first heard about it in high school (Quebec high school, so like middle school) where the concept of communities first started to form. I was slowly introduced to the subject in ethics class where we delved deeper into the strange subject of sexuality.
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P2: I was in my first year of high school when a friend of mine came out as Lesbian. I remember questioning myself a lot.

P3: I first heard about LGBTQ+ around 15 years old. I think from Youtube? Before that I had only heard about a couple of gays and lesbians here and there. I don’t remember much, but I gradually learnt more and more as time went on and as I found myself more curious about it. Therefore, a lot of the information I got was from online. 

P4: This happened really slowly. I first heard the words lesbian and bisexual when I was maybe 10 years old, but I didn’t understand what that meant at the time so I just completely ignored it. I remember hearing and understanding about gay men (and, a bit later, lesbians) when I got really into fandoms in 9th grade, I believe.
​
In the summer of my 18th year, I really started questioning my sexuality so, through a lot of online research to try and understand what I was feeling, I started learning a lot more about the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Q5: In a relationship, do you tend to be the more dominant
​of the two partners?

P1: I believe in a mutual understanding between partners. I do not think I am necessarily the more dominant.

P2: Oh dear, not at all.

P3: I think that depends solely on the partner and what their personality is.
 
P4: I’ve never really been in a relationship, so I honestly have no idea. I do think it would really depend on the dynamic between me and that specific partner.

Q6: Does your sexuality have an impact on your
​answer to question five? Why?

P1:  Good question. I believe that one’s sexuality encompasses that which defines a person’s desires. I’d like to state that love and sexuality are two different concepts and should be treated as such (I could go in further depth about this but I’ll leave it at that for now). But, as a person, I believe that I am responsible for how I act, and that being big or little spoon shouldn’t matter too much if you both love and respect each other.

P2: Not really.

P3: Nope!
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P4: No, I believe this is the case for most people. I’ve seen so many straight couples where the ‘’traditional’’ roles were swapped. Gender and sexuality don’t really have anything to do with a dominant character. 

Q7: How does heteronormativity affect you?

P1: Before this question, I didn’t even know this term existed. Well, I find that, unfortunately, we do live with certain biases in our society. We all succumb to norms in one form or another, yet finding understanding in reason and critical thinking, I believe, would be a better outlook. I personally tend to undermine this aspect in the pursuit of discovering people who share good values and are open minded.

P2: It doesn’t really, as I am fairly surrounded by people from the LGBTQ+ community and/or people who are very familiar with it.

P3: Just the little things like when people assume that you are interested in the opposite sex, but apart from that I don’t feel that affected by it.
​
P4: It makes me feel invisible sometimes, and it can get quite annoying and exhausting. Especially as I am very feminine presenting, people tend to assume that I am straight. Therefore, I have to constantly come out (or debate if it is safe to do so, depending on the situation), day after day.

Q8: Has discovering your sexuality altered
​who you are as a human being? 

P1: One’s sexuality builds a basis for an important aspect of a human being, our identities. I consider it a bridge everyone crosses eventually. In being more self aware will we be more apt at responding to certain stimuli (events, people, etc.) as well as an overall contentment in our own skin. I have found that it has helped me develop as a person.

P2: My sexuality not as much as my gender did.

P3: Not really apart from being nervous around literally anyone remotely attractive now.
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P4: It hasn’t altered who I am deep down as a person, but it has made me better and more open-minded. It also encouraged me to become more educated on the struggles of various minorities and learn to stand-up for my beliefs and for myself.

Q9: Has it changed you in the eyes of those
​ you hold/held dear?

P1: To be honest, I was first afraid to speak up about it with my significant other for fear of judgement or, worse, misunderstanding. But in letting them know, I have gone through a very cathartic experience of opening up. This has actually strengthened the bonds I have with them. Opening up is one of the hardest things to do, especially in a troubling world such as this. Yet, in being able to open up, we may surprise ourselves, and realize that there are great things in this world. Sometimes it just takes a bit of courage, but taking the first step is always the hardest. As one of my favourite doctors has said:

 “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~Dr. Seuss
​
P2: A lot.

P3: Well for those I haven’t told yet not really! But to the ones I have told I think we have actually gotten closer.

P4: It’s hard to tell, honestly. Coming out to my sister and many of my friends was no big deal, they kind of just absorbed the information, offered me their support and love, then continued with their lives. 

My mum and stepdad, however, have so many prejudices that I would be surprised if it hasn’t. Hopefully, however, I am wrong about them.

Q10: What is a stereotype people use against you
​because of your gender or sexuality?

P1: In general, I do not get stereotyped for my gender or sexuality. Yet prejudice could come from anywhere. It is up to ourselves to be aware and understanding of others’ perspectives.

P2: That I should be very masculine and mentally strong as I’m not as masculine as one would think and I’m quite the whiny.

P3: Stereotypes aren’t something that has ever directly been said to me other than in a joking fashion and I don’t really count that as being used against me. I surround myself with pretty supportive people so that I don’t have to deal with that kind of annoyance.
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P4: Oh, lord… So many! That I want a threesome. That I’m promiscuous. That I’m just experimenting. That I will cheat on a partner if I get in a relationship. And that’s honestly just the tip of the iceberg. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a threesome, or sleeping with a lot of people, or experimenting, but it is unfair to assume that a person is any or all of these things just because of their sexuality!

Q11: If you had any advice you could give to others of your
​own sexuality what would it be?

P1: Keep an open mind. Understanding is key. Unfortunately, many of us grow into the mindset of looking for or finding the right person that we forget to BE the right person. We are all responsible for ourselves. 

P2: I would say that keep being yourself no matter what. Others can not tell you who to be or what to be. Only your heart truly knows. People might not accept you or believe in your sexuality/gender, but if you identify that way, then it is real.

P3: Welcome to the club buddy! I don’t have much advice for you other than be patient, some people you decide to tell might not always understand you at first and that’s okay. It takes time for most people to process this kind of information in the heteronormative society we still live in. People are just scared of the unknown, but with time they’ll come around if they are open to it. 

P4: Keep being yourself and don’t listen to those who tell you that you are wrong in the way you feel. You will find people who will support, accept and love you unconditionally. You are valid and beautiful and strong.

Q12: What would you like to tell people who have a
​different sexuality than yours?

P1: I’d like to know their perspective on why they find a liking to certain things. How does it feel? What does it mean to them?

P2: Live and and let others live freely to what they wish to do or be.

P3: Well, good luck first of all! The world is still evolving and changing and it takes time, but eventually all this sexuality business will be completely ridiculous and people will laugh at how seriously we take it. Really, trust me! But, in all seriousness, don’t worry if you haven’t found a sexuality label that quite fits how you feel yet. There is no pressure to box yourself even if that’s what everyone wants you to do. Just live your life and love whomever you may want to love!

P4: Stay open and be understanding about the fact that people experience romantic and sexual attraction differently than you do. No sexuality is better than another, and people are so much more than just that.

Bonus Question!

Q13: Can you drive? 

P1: Yes, I can also USB drive, and even Solid State Drive.

P2: I sure can.

P3: Yep!
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P4: I have my license, but please, for the love of everything that you hold dear, don’t ask me to drive!

I hope you all enjoyed or maybe even learned from this experience. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I have enjoyed this experience. It allowed me to learn some things about my friends that I did not know about them. I thank them with all my heart for allowing me to learn more about them, and also for helping me share my message of love no matter what your gender or sexuality is. Let me know if you would like me to do more of the Queer Questions. Have a nice week.

Love,
​
Bi nerd