For those of you who have been following my blog for a while, you know what QQ (Queer Questions) is and a lot of you have told me that you loved it. And for those who are new here and have not seen QQ 1, then here is what it is all about: I have sent LGBTQ+ related questions to some of my friends and some of my friends’ friends and they have sent me back their answers. I removed their names to keep their anonymity, but their answers have remained their own. This time, I have asked four new fun and exciting people. I hope you enjoy reading their answers as much as I did!
Q1: How old are you? (Teens, twenties, thirties, etc.)
P2: Early twenties.
P3: 70’s (barely).
P4: I am in my twenties, 28 to be exact, and fearing the days to my next birthday ‘cause getting older isn’t as fun as I thought it would be when I was younger haha.
Q2: What is your sexuality?
P2: Queer / bisexual.
Q3: What is your gender identity?
P2: I’m non-binary.
Q4: How and when did you figure out your sexuality and/or gender identity?
P1: I found out when I was, like, 11 that I was attracted to girls.
P2: Oof. I knew I wasn’t straight in high school, though I’ve only recently figured out that I was bisexual (and that bisexuality includes non-binary people). I’ve never felt like I fit into the binary genders; I have vivid memories of looking in the mirror in elementary school and thinking that something went wrong in the womb and that I wasn’t in the right body. I’ve been out as non-binary for around a month now.
P3: I had some relationships with women when I was at university. When I was 26, I left a 4 year relationship with a man because I figured I would keep getting attracted to women, and I didn’t want to be a married lesbian! It was at the time of the women’s movement.
P4: I found out I was bi when I was in high school, around 15 or 16 years of age. I began to watch gay porn and found myself more and more interested in it, I also struggled with the feeling of never being complete. I also saw woman as being amazing and beautiful, and felt wrong as a boy. I never loved myself and, some days, I still don’t, but I began to identify as a female about 3 or 4 years ago, right around when I also became pansexual as well.
Q5: Has it affected you in your day to day life? If so, how?
P1: When I was working at one of my old jobs, some of the other employees didn’t like the fact that I had a girlfriend.
P2: Well, I get misgendered a lot, seeing as I’m “female presenting”. It’s made my life a lot more stressful, seeing as gendered bathrooms and fitting rooms are a thing.
P3: Yes. My father’s still not crazy about it. Work has been OK. It used to be a big deal for me to tell a new friend or coworker about my lifestyle, and some friendships didn’t survive, but lately it hasn’t been a big deal.
P4: It has: the daily struggle to ask people to call me her and not him, the struggle to feel like I belong, let alone feel like I am girl when I am for the most part dressed down as a boy, especially at work, or also how I would feel if and when people discover I am trans. All of it makes day to day life a bit of a struggle but, like so many, I will survive.
Q6: How was your first coming out experience?
P1: I didn't really have a coming out experience because my sister came out the year before me. Then, one day we were in a car with my mom, and my friend Wendy said “You really think your daughter is straight?” That's pretty much how it came up that I was bisexual / pansexual.
P2: It was very low key. A girl I had a crush on had texted me, asking me if I wanted to hang out, and my mom asked me why I was all smiley, and I told her. My mom took a few seconds to process and said “Cool!”
P3: Illuminating. I was curious about kissing a woman, and then discovered that I wanted to pursue the relationship.
P4: Odd, not many reacted too harshly to me being bi, except for a friend who figured sitting away from me was a good idea. Coming out as trans, however, created an mix of interesting and expected reactions from anyone and everyone. Some accept it fully, others try to brush it off, and some continue to resist it and even try change my mind even as I write this.
Q7: What is the most annoying question you have been asked when coming out?
P1: “Are you sure that you like girls or is it just a phase?”
P2: Well, I’ve only been in serious relationships with girls up ‘til now, and I’m asked “But would you sleep with a guy?” (which I would and have), or “Ok, but can’t you just pick a gender?” (I have and its non-binary).
P3: I suppose: “What do you do in bed?”
P4: “Why?” No joke, the most annoying one I could ever get for either being pan or trans is “why?”. This then descends into the most annoying and botched explanations I can give as I become nervous and unprepared, which then only fuels most people's resistance or lack of understanding.
Q8: Would you say your look is stereotypical of your sexuality and/or gender identity?
P1: I don’t know if I dress stereotypically. I just dress however I feel like that day.
P2: That’s the thing with non-binary: there isn’t really a typical way to look, or a way to “pass” as non-binary. I suppose a stereotype is an undercut and short hair, which I have.
P3: I don’t think so, though I am way more casual than the other women in my family.
P4: That depends on your opinion. I am a cute girl. I am all about my legs, ankles, and feet, all about the heels, short skirts, the light makeup, and cute plastic colored hair ties I wear around my wrists ‘cause they ended up looking cuter that way than in my hair. On the other end, I wear a cowgirl hat, jeans and work in a warehouse where I develop muscles outside of my weekly gym workout, have steel toe boots, no makeup, tied back hair with hair pins to control my curly hair, and shorts that show my legs. All of it can scream tomboy, depending on your view.
Q9: Are you a fan of everything LGBTQ+ in tv shows, movies, music, games and books?
P1: Yes, I am a fan of LGBTQ.
P2: Ehhhh, I don’t like it when media adds LGBTQ+ people for the sake of a plot point. While I totally get how coming out stories are important to show for closeted people, I just want characters who do their thing and happen to be LGBTQ+. Also, it would be nice if creators stopped killing lesbians.
P3: Some stuff. I used to be way more into the music scene.
P4: Depends on how it is portrayed. If done right, sure! I love seeing all of that, though it can create tension between people in that room. For example, a night ago in a crime show my parents were watching, a trans girl was killed. My parents aren’t 100% okay with me being trans, and to have a tv show we are watching make an episode about it, it can and does cause a quiet tension - none of us commented at all on the episode, where as we generally do.Things like that can hit home as it created a very dark feeling. On the upside, seeing gay and lesbian characters, and even trans characters, in anything is always nice, welcoming and warming, because the truth is that we are here, and we are here to stay!
Q10: What is the best/your favourite representation of queer people you have seen in a tv show or movie?
P1: I like “I Am Jazz,” “Queer Eye,” and Ellen DeGeneres, though I could keep the list going.
P2: Brooklyn 9-9. “BOOOOOOOONE?!?!??!?!” *
P3: I liked Ellen when she did the comedy show.
I like the way Instinct portrays the gay couple.
I always like it when there are positive gay characters or moments on mainstream TV. I also enjoyed a bunch of films at Image&Nation, the lesbian and gay film festival, but I haven’t been as often since moving to the West Island.
P4: The only one that comes to mind, sadly, is “The L Word” and, even then, I’ve only watched two episodes of that. I am don’t watch TV and movies as much as I once did. I am a more of a gamer and writer/reader.
Q11: What ways do you or have you used to try to find someone to date and/or hook up with? Dating apps, clubs, blind dates, etc. In your experience, have they been effective?
P1: I never used any dating apps. I actually met my girlfriend because of school.
P2: I’ve used Tinder with moderate success and ended up making quite a few friends on there, though no romantic relationships have come of it. Most, if not all, of the people I’ve dated I’ve met through friends.
P3: I met some women at a hiking club, Les Amazones. And I’ve met women at dance clubs or dances. I enjoy going to Club Bolo, a gay line dancing club, though there are way more men than women. I’m not really looking at the moment.
P4: I am too shy to do any of that, even if I really really want a buddy to share a bed with, if you know what I mean. So, to answer your question properly, the ways stated above are not at all effective for me.
Q12: Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, how did