Roller Coaster Ride

Hey Nerds,

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Lately, my life has been a real roller coaster of emotions. I won't tell you all the details, but I do want to let you all in on what I have been going through.

Firstly, let's talk about jobs. A few weeks ago, my mother told me about a great job opportunity which would allow me to easily move out from my parents’ house, go on trips and quit my current jobs. I was very excited about it. I fixed up my C.V. and hoped with all my heart that all would go as planned. However, days passed and my mother never brought it up again, so I asked her if she had any news. She told me that she didn’t and was too busy due to tax season (she is an accountant), but that she would try and push it more once it calmed down. That was the first up and down part of the past few weeks.

The second part has to do with all my latest reads, watches and Tumblr posts. I've been watching and reading a few gay things lately and, if some of you follow my Tumblr, you will know that I post a lot of gay things there as well. All of this has been making me crave a romantic relationship. I really want someone to cuddle with, to play in my hair, to hug and kiss. This has left me feeling sad and lonely. However, I recently started talking to this amazing girl. She would sometimes start the conversation and, on other times, I would. It may sound super cheesy, but I needed that. The people I had spoken to previously didn’t seem to put in any effort, so the fact that she does makes me feel important. I won't go into too much detail about all of this, but I will say that she is one of the things that make me happy lately.

The third part of this roller coaster has to do with my father. I love him very much and he is usually tolerant of my bisexuality. Still, I don’t talk about it at home, because I know that deep down it hurts him. And that hurts me too. Lately, one of my coworkers liked me on Tinder. I wasn't sure if I was going to talk to my coworker about this or not. I decided I wouldn’t because I want to see where this goes with the girl I've been talking to. One day, I decided to tell my father about both the girl and my coworker. He got angry at me and told me the following: “I'm not racist or homophobic, but are you telling me that my choice in suitors for my daughter are a black guy and a girl? Well, try to understand that that is not a choice that makes me happy. Why can't you just date a nice white guy?” Despite his earlier statement, this was racist and homophobic. Furthermore, it is not his choice who I decide to date.This had really pissed me off. My dad and I are usually very close hence, every time we fight, I get very sad. He later apologized for what he said and tried to buy my forgiveness. I forgave him, but it still hurt. I know he was raised with a very different mentality than I was, nevertheless it’s 2018 and he needs to start adapting to the world around him.

To make matters worse, around the same time as my fight with my father, I had a fight with my best friend. It lasted only a couple of days and we are friends again, but I know I hurt her with some of the things I said. Even though I was hurt as well, there are some thing I should not have said and I think that knowing that was the worst part of it all. I was really afraid I would lose her. Thankfully, like I already mentioned, we are friends again and I learned some things as well, such as that I need to work on not bottling up emotions, since it can just overflow at some point, which is what caused this argument.

Finally, to end this beautiful roller coaster of emotions, I’m broke. The problem is that I am a shopaholic: I tend to spend too much money on unnecessary things. I am currently in debt, and to crown it all, my boss gave me no hours last week. Therefore, my paycheck won't be as big as I would like or need it to be.  Thankfully, I should have some other money coming in soon to help, but I hope this will teach me to save the money I have left.

To sum up, these past few weeks have really drained me. They were emotionally challenging at times and great at others, but I have gotten through it and, hopefully, I should be back now and posting more. Again, I cannot be sure that I will, but I really do hope so because I love writing for all of you. Wishing you all a good week.

Love,

Bi Nerd