Hope you are all doing well.
I am a little tired, but I guess that is to be expected at 4:30 A.M. Insomnia is a bitch.
Moving on. We are not here to talk about my insomnia. We are here to talk about sexuality. So, let me start by introducing myself: Hi, my name is Jess. I am 21, and I identify as female and bisexual. Okay, so when you read bisexual, where did your mind go to first?
“It’s just a phase.”
“She’s so greedy.”
“How long have you been bi?”
Be honest, comment what your first thought was.
So, to try and help you understand more about this sexuality, let me tell you a bit of my story as I answer questions bisexuals get frequently asked.
Q: “How did you become bisexual?”
A: This is such a frustrating question because sexuality isn’t something you become. It’s something you discover and learn about. It’s not just “Oops! You’re 10, now you’re gay! Yesterday, you were straight, but now you’re gay. The end.” You are or you’re not. I’m bi. If you had asked “How or when did you discover that you were attracted to both genders?”, then I would not have been as annoyed because, yes, it takes a while for some people to figure out their sexuality.
Q: “How did you find out you were bisexual?”
A: This took me forever to find out. I remember, in high school, we were at my best friend Kate’s birthday party and we were all playing truth or dare. My friend Mary asked Kate if she had ever had a crush on a teacher, and she answered “Yes, I have a crush on Mr. Brown”. The girls all giggled and some of them agreed with her. When they asked me the same question, I told them I liked him as well, even though I didn’t have a crush on him. I didn’t even have a crush on a teacher. I was head over heels for Kate, but I hated myself for it. I thought I was sick to think like that. They were all talking about the boys in our class which, yes, some of them were cute, but I wanted to kiss Kate so bad.
To this day, I have never told Kate about the crush I had on her. At the time, though, I would suppress the thought and tell myself it was stupid. That I couldn’t love her since she was a girl and that something was wrong with me. When people would ask me “Do you think she is pretty?”, about any girl, I would always answer no, in case people would know that I had sick thoughts about these pretty girls. I lost friends like that. I’d say no, and they would get insulted and never talk to me again. I wonder how they would feel knowing that it was because I was attracted to them. I was so afraid of people knowing about my thoughts that I dated a guy just to convince myself. He ended up being a jerk…
In CEGEP, I had this teacher named Margaret. She was gorgeous. She was fun, geeky and friendly. Well, she was a woman I had a crush on for quite some time. In her class, I met my best friend Gay Wolf. She helped me understand that bisexuality was a thing and not one to be ashamed of. Since then, Gay wolf, Gay Bea and I have gone to pride twice. (Gay Bea is our third musketeer. Although, they have known each other longer, so I guess I’m the third in our group. LOL) Gay Wolf and I go to the gay village often enough, and I’ve come out to almost everyone I know. So, to answer the question, I think I’ve known all my life that I’m bisexual, but I only accepted and fully realised it a year or two ago. And I’m still not 100% sure. There are too many different sexualities out there for me to know without a doubt. But, for now, if you want to label me, then I’m bi. Even though “labels are for clothes not people.” (I have no clue who said it, I saw it on a t-shirt.)
So, if you made it through all of that, congrats! If not, then I don’t think you are reading this, but just in case, know that I appreciate you coming to my page. I hope this post has helped in any way. Feel free to comment, ask questions or send me an email on my contact page. I look forward to the next post.